The concept of being rejected is fairly terrifying for most individuals—it’s proper up there with a root canal. However not too long ago, TikTok creators have tried to ease their worry of rejection with an unorthodox follow: deliberately searching for a “no” (sure, severely) in hopes of changing into extra comfy with it.

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Marisha Mathis

Marisha Mathis, LCSW, is a licensed medical social employee 

Dubbed “rejection remedy,” this pattern is much like publicity remedy—or regularly exposing your self to the stuff you worry and just about keep away from in any respect prices. Of their seek for rejection, creators are taking daring (and generally foolish) dangers. They’re requesting $100 from strangers, asking to make an announcement on a retailer intercom, and even making an attempt to get a gown without spending a dime.

Whereas rejection remedy isn’t medical or medically studied like publicity remedy, it would enable you understand that you simply can survive rejection.

So, is there any advantage to this pattern? (Spoiler alert: not all the time!) Learn on for a therapist’s tackle when it will possibly assist, together with some suggestions:

What’s rejection remedy (and the place did it come from)?

Rejection remedy was coined in 2009 by entrepreneur and Zero to Superhero creator Jason Comely. After his spouse left him, he started isolating himself—and shortly realized that wasn’t serving to. Comely believed a worry of rejection was behind the urge to distance himself from others and wished to beat it. So he created a gamified model of rejection remedy, through which he made playing cards which have rejection “dares,” so to talk.

The time period was later popularized in a 2017 TED Speak by Jia Jiang, creator of Rejection Proof: How I Beat Concern and Turned Invincible By means of 100 Days of Rejection.

At present, the idea of rejection remedy goes viral on TikTok. In the event you mix the TikTok movies tagged as “rejection remedy” and “100 days of rejection,” you’ll see nearly 6,000 movies listed.

Some folks discover worth within the expertise regardless of lackluster outcomes. For instance, TikTok creator Sisanda CJ, who requested a free gown, didn’t obtain it. “I didn’t die,” she says within the video. “The world didn’t crumble… I really feel like I may do something and obtain something. That is good. Be a part of me for day two.”

The worry of rejection is actual

The anxiousness earlier than an enormous request or threat is pure—and fairly widespread. Virtually 75 p.c of persons are decidedly or reasonably risk-averse, in line with a 2003 research revealed within the journal Medical Choice Making. Girls, in the meantime, usually tend to keep away from dangers, per a latest research revealed within the British Journal of Psychology. 

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That’s actually comprehensible. Confession: When somebody tries to persuade me to do one thing—like set a wholesome boundary with a member of the family—they are saying, “The worst they’ll say isn’t any,” and my Scorpio comes out, which is to say I’m stuffed with fieriness. I need to reply, “Precisely! They may very effectively say no, and that’s terrifying!”

This may prolong to varied areas of our lives. Asking a brand new crush on a date? No thanks. Asking for a elevate? Possibly I’ll simply accept a subpar wage.

There’s even a phenomenon referred to as rejection sensitivity dysphoria, through which folks have an intense emotional response to rejection, each actual and perceived. (That comes proper for the jugular, doesn’t it?) However know this: avoiding potential rejection can imply sacrificing nice alternatives. You possibly can’t get what you don’t ask for.

In a single TikTok video, creator Maureen Evelyn, who goes by the moniker Maureen the Content material Coach, defined that she tried to get rejected as many occasions as potential. At one level, she utilized to a advertising company job that mandated a university diploma and several other years of expertise, which she doesn’t have. However, she bought it. Her takeaway? “In the event you wanna do one thing, apply!”

A therapist’s tackle rejection remedy—and if it’s for you

Can rejection remedy truly reduce our rejection woes? “It may assist shoppers transfer past their consolation zones and construct their confidence,” says Marisha Mathis, LCSW, a licensed medical social employee with Thriveworks in Raleigh, North Carolina, who focuses on vanity, anxiousness, and coping expertise.

It creates a wholesome tolerance for “no,” Mathis provides. “Some folks worry rejection a lot that they won’t observe their desires or wishes. Repeated publicity to ‘no’ helps construct resistance to unfavourable associations with rejection.”

It may be useful in sure conditions. Mathis lists occasions if you’re prone to shut down, quit, or be consumed by unfavourable ideas, like these days when you may’t construct up the braveness to converse with somebody at a bunch health class or worry expressing a opposite opinion at dinner.

Medical psychologist John Duffy recommends itemizing all of the fears which may stand in the way in which of your objectives. On this YouTube clip on rejection remedy, he advocates beginning with small, simple dangers to construct up braveness. “Slowly work your approach up that hierarchy till the stuff will get a little bit more durable,” says Duffy.

Nevertheless, Mathis additionally warns towards conditions through which rejection remedy isn’t the reply—and will even backfire. (Additionally, you need to be respectful of individuals’s boundaries and time.) Mathis urges not participating in rejection remedy if:

• You will have a fantastic diploma of trauma, and rejection remedy may set off that unresolved trauma.
• Your vanity is rocky, and repeated rejection may additional harm it.
• The opposite particular person expresses that they don’t need to work together.
• You’re in environments the place it could possibly be inappropriate, like at work.
• You will have social anxiousness that could possibly be exacerbated by rejection remedy.

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Additionally, be conscious of your mindset stepping into. “You shouldn’t interact in rejection remedy with out reflecting on the explanations for rejection and your emotions round it,” Mathis says. “Rejection remedy can develop into mechanical and unproductive. It may neutralize the unique intent for emotional progress or self-awareness.”

In any other case, she finally encourages giving it a shot. “You don’t should take part within the pattern to document or put up it, however if you happen to do wrestle with rejection, this could possibly be a proactive solution to make rejection damage much less when it does occur.”

Once more, it’s in all probability finest to see the rejection remedy pattern for what it’s: a barely humorous (and generally useful) solution to curtail anxiousness round dates, for instance. For extra extreme assist with anxiousness, speaking to a therapist might be your finest wager. If they’ve a full caseload and “reject” you with a referral, effectively, that’s one other day of rejection remedy within the books.