Like many autistic individuals, I usually really feel uncomfortable round others. Put me in a one-to-one and I freeze. In a bunch of individuals round a desk I say nothing – and go away as quickly as attainable. However give me an enormous, surging crowd and I couldn’t be happier.

It confuses individuals, who assume I’d hate crowds and be agoraphobic; extra individuals equals extra ache. But it surely couldn’t be much less true. I’ve been going to Manchester Metropolis matches for greater than 20 years. And there may be nowhere I’m happier than within the away finish, proper on the entrance, locked in with a mass of individuals, chanting, singing the songs, screaming my head off.

Final 12 months, I went to Glastonbury for the primary time. My household had been a bit scared for me. Would I be capable of cope among the many 200,000 sturdy crowd? Cope? I used to be in heaven. On the ultimate day I couldn’t bear to maneuver away from the Pyramid stage, as I sang my means by means of the Bristol Reggae Orchestra Windrush Choir, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, The Chicks, Yusuf/Cat Stevens, Blondie, Lil Nas X and Elton John. I wouldn’t transfer for meals, drink or the bathroom. Nor would I let my dad. He wasn’t greatest happy – he ended up peeing himself, however that’s one other story.

There’s no means I’d sing in a small group, however in an enormous mass of individuals nobody cares if I’m out of tune or get the phrases mistaken

So why do I really like crowds? Easy. I lose myself in them. My type of autism is known as pathological demand avoidance syndrome, and one of many largest signs is self-consciousness. However in a crowd, all of that disappears. I’m a part of the massive collective and oblivious.

There’s no means I’d sing in a small group, however in an enormous mass of individuals nobody cares if I’m singing out of tune or get the phrases mistaken. No person cares what I say, no one can see me. A lot of the remainder of the time I really feel totally different – remoted, undesirable and painfully self conscious. However in a crowd I lose all my inhibitions and really feel that I slot in simply to the human race. I really feel that I belong. And it’s bloody good.